Grace Lost Page 12

  Chapter 12

   

  Morning came slowly.  None of us slept after discovering that Wanda had died.  We had all gone to our own rooms, allowing Julio and Louisa time to talk in private.  I heard her sobbing on and off for hours.  Sometimes she would cry out in Spanish.  My heart ached for her.  We had all lost so much already.  It seemed so unfair to have to lose any more.

  Boggs and I lay holding each other on the bed.  We left one candle lit, in honor of Wanda. 

  “It must be close to dawn,” I whispered. 

  “I think it’ll be good when we’re all up and busy again,” he replied.

  “I’m gonna go take a shower,” I said.

  “Can I join you?” he asked.

  I nodded hesitantly. 

  “Let’s hurry, before anyone else is up and needs the bathroom,” suggested Boggs.

  We stood and quietly walked to the bathroom.  I set a lit candle on the counter.  Boggs turned the water on in the large shower stall, which was made of stone tiles in hues of gray and pink and brown and had a swanky glass door that opened on hinges.  Steam began to fill the room so I stripped out of my clothes, crossing my arms over my chest.

  Boggs took his clothes off and walked to me.  “Zoe?”

  I looked up at him.

  “You don’t need to cover yourself in front of me.  You’re beautiful.”

  He took my hands in his and gently took my arms away from my chest.  I didn’t try to stop him.  He looked down at me, smiling softly.  I tried to relax, but wasn’t used to my body being admired.  My nipples were erect, evidence of the room being cold as well as my escalating sexual desires.  He leaned down and kissed me sweetly, then picked me up and set me on the counter.  I returned his kiss, and we began to explore each other’s bodies with our hands.   He traced my nipples with the lightest of touches, sending shivers through my body.  I leaned forward, kissing his collarbone and slowly moved my mouth down to his chest.  He leaned his head back as I began sucking his tattoo.  My kissing grew stronger and I sucked on his chest deeply as my desire escalated.

  He put a hand beneath my chin and I paused to look up at him. He whispered into my ear, “ready for the shower?”

  Slightly out of breath, I nodded.

  I wrapped my legs around his waist and he carried me, facing him, to the shower.  Once under the warm spray of the water, he backed me up to the cold tile wall and began kissing me wildly.  His body was pressing against me with desperation, his erection searching to find its way inside of me. 

  “I want to fuck you so hard, Zoe,” he mumbled.  “God I want to fuck you.”

  My body now craving his, and more excited than I had ever been before, I responded by grabbing at his back in an attempt to get closer to him.  Sensing my desire, he lifted me up a few more inches and entered me deeply.  I moaned loudly with pleasure.  Until now, he’d been gentle when making love to me. This time he was showing rough desire. He began thrusting with new enthusiasm, crushing me against the wall.  I grabbed hard at his back and my eyes rolled back from the pleasure of him being so deeply inside of me. 

  “Don’t stop, Boggs,” I moaned.  “Oh God, please don’t stop.”

  My pleading caused him to wrap his arms behind my back and pull me against him, thrusting faster.  He ended with a loud groan, and I fought to keep from screaming with pleasure as my muscles shuddered around his hard penis.  Out of breath, we both clung to each other as the water continued to wash over us.

  “I love you,” he whispered, kissing me sweetly on the lips.  “I love you, Zoe.”

  “Boggs.  I love you too.”  I put my head against his chest and started sobbing.

  “Oh God, Zoe, did I hurt you?”

  I shook my head no, and he held me close.

  “What is it?  Shhhh.” 

  “Boggs, it was horrible.  Wanda.  I felt it, when she started her new life.  And I felt when it ended.”  I clung to him, afraid to let go.

  “Shhhh.”

  “What do I do with that, Boggs?  How do I deal with that?”

  “I’m not sure, Zo.  I’m just not sure.”           

  After several minutes my sobbing ebbed and he finally set me down on my own feet.  We finished the shower by washing each other.  He unbraided my hair and lathered it with shampoo.  The water started to cool and we decided we better get out.  After rinsing off, we wrapped ourselves in towels.  Soon after, there was a rap on the door.

  “Some of us need to pee,” said Susan.

  “Be right out,” said Boggs.

  “Oh, Adam, it’s you,” she said.  “Ok, I’ll wait.  Unless you want me to come in and dry you off?”  She sounded snarky, and pathetic.

  “Absolutely not,” he answered in a very serious tone.

  “Fine, whatever,” she replied, sounding annoyed.

  Our eyes met and we smiled.  Boggs opened the door and we both walked out into the hallway.  Susan looked far from pleased.  “All yours,” he said to her coldly.

  He took my hand in his and we walked back to our room. 

  “You sure I didn’t hurt you?” Boggs asked again.

  “No, it was great.”  I smiled genuinely.  “Really great.”

  I walked to the armoire and started searching through the remaining clothes.

  “Boggs?  Do you know if we’re spending much time outside today?”

  “I don’t think so, Zo.  Gus, Julio, and I will go out and dig the grave for Wanda.  We’ll have the funeral as soon as we’re done.  I think that’s about it for today.”

  “What about what’s left in the burn pile?” I asked.

  “We’ll take care of that after we say good-byes to Wanda.”

  “All these clothes are too big for me,” I sighed, changing the topic.

  “Ya, me too.”

  I pulled out a pair of men’s boxers and slipped them on.  My own panties were in need of laundering so I decided I’d wash them along with my bra and hope they dry by afternoon.  I slipped a men’s ribbed undershirt on, followed by another of the button-up flannel shirts that were becoming a staple for me.

  “Maybe Em and I can do some laundry today.”

  I finished the outfit off with another pair of large white socks, pulling them up to just below my knees.

  I turned around and looked at Boggs, who was sitting on the edge of the bed staring at me.

  “Boggs?  What’s wrong?”

  He blinked, and then answered.  “I just never knew a woman could make men’s clothes look so sexy.”

  “You’re so weird.” 

  I walked over to the vanity and sat, looking at myself in the mirror.  My hair looked like a snarled mess, so I pulled a brush from the drawer and began working it through the tangles.  Boggs busied himself with dressing in a fresh pair of jeans and a light blue t-shirt with a pub logo on the front.  I enjoyed watching him get dressed by looking at his reflection in the mirror.  I turned my focus back to my hair.  I decided to leave it down to let it dry.

  Boggs and I walked downstairs together.  Louisa and Julio were sitting on one of the loveseats.  Her eyes were red and swollen from crying.

  “Louisa, I’m so sorry about Wanda,” I said genuinely. 

  “Thanks,” she whispered.  “But really, I’m glad she’s not in pain anymore.  She was in so much pain, you know, but tried to hide it.  I was so lucky to know her, even if it was just for a short time.”

  Julio lifted Louisa’s hand to his lips and kissed it. 

  Louisa tried to smile.  “The baby.  If it’s a girl I want to name her Wanda.  Wanda Maria Gonzales.”  She rubbed her free hand on her belly lovingly.

  Julio smiled.  “I love it, Isa.  Wanda would be happy.”

  Boggs and I sat on the other sofa.  I leaned against him, feeling a need to be as close as I could.

  “Louisa?  If I make some pancakes will you eat?” I asked.

  She smiled genuinely at me.  “I�
�d love some.  I’ll come help you.”

  “You sure you feel up to it?” asked Julio.

  She nodded.  “I get sore if I sit too long.”  She stood up, and I could tell the task was just starting to get difficult for her.

  We walked into the kitchen together.  I fetched the box of pancake mix.  Luckily it was the type that only requires that water be added.  Louisa searched cabinets until she found a mixing bowl and measuring cup.

  “I never found syrup when we inventoried, and there’s no butter, but we have two jars of jam,” I explained.

  “Any peanut butter or powdered sugar?” she asked.

  “As a matter of fact, yes.  Both,” I said with a small smile.

  “Have you ever tried them that way?” she asked.

  “Never.  It’s good?”

  “Oh yes.  You have no idea what you’ve been missing,” said Louisa.

  I let Louisa mix the batter while I set the powdered sugar, peanut butter, and jam on the table along with paper plates and the plastic forks that had dried from the day before.  By the time I was done she had found a flat griddle for the stovetop and had it preheating.  Not long after the first dollop of batter hit the griddle, the kitchen smelled heavenly. 

  “Boggs?” I called.

  “Yup?”

  “Can you go wake Em and Gus?”

  “We’re up,” announced Emilie on cue.  “What smells so good?”

  “Pancakes!” I said cheerfully.  “Come and get them!”

  Six of us filled the kitchen and began spreading different combinations of toppings on the warm pancakes.  Louisa insisted we all eat while she finished flipping. 

  “You’re right, Louisa.  The peanut butter’s awesome with the powdered sugar,” I said.  My voice sounded garbled since the peanut butter was making my mouth stick together. 

  Our breakfast seemed sinful.  Louisa told us that Wanda would have wanted us to all fill our stomachs and be happy about the life she had lived. 

  Susan finally walked into the kitchen, looking tired.  She had bags under her eyes and her face was void of makeup.  She looked a bit less like model material than she had the day before.  It made me smile, and I felt the tiniest twinge of guilt for being happy about that.

  “Is there any left?” she asked, and then yawned.

  “Yes, Susan.  Please.  Come eat,” said Louisa with her usual bright smile.

  Susan walked to the stack of pancakes that had piled up beside the griddle and picked up two of them.  She ignored the plates, walked to the table and spread jam on one, then sandwiched them together. 

  Once we all seemed to slow down with eating, Gus backed away from the table and stood.

  “Ok, before we head out we need to talk about a few things.  Do y’all mind coming out to the living room?  It’s not the most pleasant of topics so we might as well try to be comfortable while we talk.”

  Julio walked to Louisa’s side and took her hand.  We all moved into the living room.  Gus and Boggs brought three of the kitchen chairs in with them. 

  Once we were all situated, Gus’ body language signaled he was ready to speak.  “We need to start making some major plans,” he said.  “There’s seven of us now, and we’ll be needing food, medicine, clothes, and some other basics.  I’ve been going over a way to do that in my head, and as much as I hate to say it I think I need to head out with Boggs and Julio while you girls stay here.”

  “Gus,” interrupted Boggs.  “I don’t want the girls left here alone.”

  Julio echoed the concern.  “I agree.”

  Gus nodded.  “I know, that’s the part I’m not fond of.  I think, though, that it’s best they stay here.  We can put it to a vote.”

  “I want to go where you go, J,” said Louisa.

  “I agree,” I said.  “Strength in numbers, remember?”

  “Do the rest of you feel this way?” asked Gus.

  Emilie was biting on a fingernail.  “I hate to say it, Gus, but I agree too.”

  “Ok then,” he responded.  “I think we should go first thing tomorrow morning.  The next topic is probably the least fun to discuss.  We need to talk about Wanda.”  He sighed heavily.  “I’ve seen someone turn into one of those fucking creatures after being bit, but Wanda died of other causes.”

  “What do you make of that, Gus?” asked Boggs.

  Gus shook his head back and forth slowly.  “I’m not really sure, but whatever has caused this might still be around.  We know the dead rose initially, and they can infect the living.  At least I’ve assumed they can infect the living.  Now I’m not so sure.  The guy I had picked up on Day One had been bit, and died.  But did he turn because he died or because the bite infected him?”  He paused for a moment before continuing.  “I just don’t know.”  He looked at me specifically before continuing.  “Zoe, Louisa and Julio know about your hip wound and your brain somehow being linked to the creatures.  I’m sorry to have talked about you in such a personal way without permission, but when it comes to the group I decided there shouldn’t be secrets.”

  “What are you talking about?” asked Susan.  “What brain link?”

  Boggs looked at Susan for a moment then answered her.  “The bodies we were burning when you all showed up.  Zoe knew they were outside before the rest of us.  She could…hear them…in her head.”

  Susan laughed.  “That’s ridiculous.”

  Gus picked up on explaining.  “She injured her hip on Day One.  She got really sick and the wound has healed with a strange green pattern around it.  We think she was infected somehow.”

  “Uh,” mumbled Susan.  “Well maybe she shouldn’t be in here with all of us?”

  “Oh please, you bitch,” snarled Emilie.

  Gus looked at Em sideways, shocked by her tone.  She’s almost always the sweetest thing, so it was a bit out of character.  He looked like he was stifling a chuckle.  Gus spoke directly to Susan.  “Zoe seems healthy.  And she’s family.”

  “It happened again, with Wanda,” I said quietly.  “I felt that a zombie was inside the cabin.  I didn’t know it was her until after she was really gone.”

  I could tell Louisa was fighting tears at the mention of Wanda’s name.  I felt so bad for her.

  “Once she was really dead, there was a sense of peace,” I added, embellishing what really happened in my own head to help Louisa cope.   The girl smiled gratefully at me.

  “What about the smell yesterday morning?” asked Emilie.

  “What smell?” asked Julio.

  Emilie continued.  “The bodies before we burned them.  They smelled…sweet?”

  “I noticed it too,” I said.  “It was like rotten candy.  What do you think it was?”

  Susan rolled her eyes.  “Why don’t you call 1-800-whothefuckknows,” she mumbled under her breath.

  “Susan,” said Julio sternly.  “Stop it.”

  “Well, seriously, we’ll never fucking know what all this shit is,” she snapped back at him.  “Besides what do you know?  You’re only eighteen.”

  I looked at Boggs.  The tension in the room was uncomfortable.

  “Ok, enough,” said Gus, irritated.  “As much as I hate to say it, Susan’s probably right.  But let’s be civil.  Today we need to dig a proper grave for Wanda.  Tomorrow we need to head out for supplies.  I also suggest we build a safe room here at the cabin.”

  “I second that,” said Boggs.

  “Boggs said you guys plan to dig this morning, so if no one minds I’d like to do some laundry in the kitchen so we can get stuff drying,” I said.

  Louisa raised her hand.

  “What, Isa?” asked Julio. 

  “I’ll help with the laundry,” she said, again flashing her sweet smile.  “I need to stay busy.”

  “Ok, this afternoon we should also get the step van ready for the trip tomorrow, and start thinking about where to head.  I’d prefer to avoid large towns and cities,” said Gus.  “I kn
ow Twisp isn’t far, so that’d be my vote.  Winthrop is near enough too, and small.  Julio, Louisa, we haven’t talked yet about what you’ve seen out there.  I’d appreciate your input.”

  Louisa covered her belly with her hands and hung her head, and Julio looked up after clasping his hands together.

  “It’s been ugly out there,” said the younger man.  “Louisa and I were visiting her grandmother for the weekend when all this shit went down.  I was using the van to haul some furniture for her, and thank God Louisa was with me.”  He reached over and took her hand in his.  “If she would have stayed behind…”

  Louisa smiled lovingly at him.  “I just wish we could have saved Nana Juanita.”

  Julio looked back at Gus then continued.  “We saw the first ones when we had just started on the road back to Juanita’s.  It was a group of five.  We knew right away something was wrong because they were all either bloody or falling apart.  I told Louisa to lock her door and we kept driving.  More and more of them were coming out to the street as we drove past.  I thought it’d never stop, man.  Then we saw a group of them…” his voice cracked as he tried to gain control of his emotions.  “They were eating an old man.  It was so horrible I sent Louisa to the back of the van so she wouldn’t see.” 

  I saw Louisa squeeze Julio’s hand.  She took over the conversation, allowing him time to compose himself.  “I went to the back of the van.  I was so scared but I knew Julio would take care of me and our baby.  I sat on the twin bed we were hauling and tried to keep from crying.”

  Julio spoke again.  “It was early morning.  We just kept driving.  About two or three miles later we saw the first road block.  There were four cars that were stopped across the road.  It was odd, though.  They hadn’t crashed. It was like they all stopped and the owners just wandered off.  I pulled over and told Louisa to stay inside.  I got out and walked to a ravine that was off the shoulder.  That’s when I found Susan.”

  At the mention of her name, Susan looked up.

  “She had climbed a tree,” explained Julio.  “Those dead fucks were feasting on other people, right below her.”  He looked disgusted.  “I couldn’t leave here there, so used my piece to shoot the fuckers up.”

  “He went crazy,” said Susan.  “And he saved me,” she added quietly.  I thought I even saw a hint of gratitude on her face.

  I looked at Boggs, who was engrossed with the story.

  “What about Wanda?” I asked.

  “She found us, actually,” answered Julio.  “She was driving the opposite direction.  It just made sense to stop, so we both did.  I could tell she was ill, and scared.  But even more than that, she seemed mad that the world had been fucked over.  We talked for about five minutes and she came with us.”

  “Did you drive through any more towns?  Where have you been staying?” asked Boggs.

  Julio looked over to Boggs before answering.  “Ya we drove through a couple towns.  They were all pretty overrun.  We’d drive by and the fuckers would come out of the buildings and chase us.  We stopped outside the last town.  There was a small neighborhood, so we drove through slowly.  We didn’t see any of the fucks so we stopped to siphon gas from two cars sitting in driveways.  We broke into one of the houses to get supplies.  We were low on food and water.  Luckily no one was home, but we felt safer in the step van so used it as a rolling safe house of sorts.  We’ve lived in it for days, taking turns driving and stopping on logging roads to sleep.”

  “We had someone else with us,” whispered Susan.  “A guy named John.  He had been hiding in his attic and ran out when he saw us stopped.  He was only with us a day.”

  “What happened to him?” asked Gus.

  “He decided to go outside his first night with us while we all asleep.  We weren’t sure why.  It was his screams that woke us.  We knew there wasn’t anything we could do to save him, so we drove on,” explained Julio.

  “You know you made the right choice, right?” asked Gus.  “You couldn’t have saved him.”

  “Yes, I know.  It was tough as shit to do, though, leaving someone behind,” said Julio.  “Anyway we saw the smoke from your bonfire when we were headed by on the highway.  We figured it was worth looking into, so drove down and prayed for the best.”

  “So it sounds like we should avoid towns for now,” said Boggs.  “And do like you did.  Hit up vacant houses.”

  “And hope they’re vacant,” said Gus.  “Ok, let’s get to work?  There’s a couple shovels in the shed, so we can take turns digging.”

  Everyone agreeing, the men went outside and we girls decided to do general housework and the laundry.

  Louisa and I took turns scrubbing clothes and linens in the sink, and she was able to give me some great pointers since she had grown up doing laundry by hand.  In talking to her, I discovered she was only seventeen, and Julio was eighteen.  I was surprised because she came across as very mature.  She told me their pregnancy was unplanned, but they had been thrilled when they found out.  While they didn’t wear rings, her parents had signed permission for them to marry and they had gone through a small ceremony only two months ago.  Like Boggs and I, they had grown up as dear friends.

  With Louisa’s blessing, it had been decided that Susan would start using Wanda’s twin bed and move down from the attic.   After the episode with Wanda, Julio and Louisa would share their bedroom with Susan so no one would be left alone downstairs.  We’d ask the men to help fashion a partition for more privacy later.  Louisa had also suggested Julio drill a few small holes though the plywood in our bedroom window to allow for some fresh air and light.  She explained that he was a carpenter, having grown up learning the trade from his father.  

  Emilie started rearranging furniture and dusting.  The floor was growing dirty from daily use, and with no electricity vacuuming was out of the question.  She swept for a long time before she was satisfied.  Damp laundry now hung on makeshift clotheslines we had tied up near the fireplace.  The twin bed had been moved upstairs to a corner of Julio and Louisa’s room. We decided to take a much needed break so settled in the living room on the couches.

  The men came in not long after, sweaty and grimy from grave digging. 

  “Wow,” said Gus.  “Looks great in here, ladies.”

  “Thanks!” said Emilie as she slowly got off the couch, looking like she was in pain.

  “Em?  What’s wrong, darlin’?” asked Gus.

  Emilie stretched gingerly.  “I think I just strained my back.  I’ll be ok.”

  “I’ll stretch it out for you later,” he answered.  “And be careful, darlin’.”  He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

  Boggs cleared his throat.  “We’re ready outside.  For whoever wants to say goodbye to Wanda.”

  All seven of us filed outside.  The sun was shining and the sky was blue.  Being out of the stuffy cabin was a relief.  The air smelled clean, although it had the bite of winter to it.  There was a large stain in the soil surrounding the porch. 

  “Try not to look,” said Boggs.  “It’s just from her body being there overnight.”

  I looked over to Louisa, who had nestled against Julio.  She was being very brave, especially for being so young.

  We followed the men to a large oak tree at the edge of the clearing in front of the cabin, where they had already buried Wanda’s body.  The earth was mounded gently over her, and the guys had kindly picked a small bouquet of wild flowers that now lay on top.  Julio stepped away from Louisa to stand at the head of the grave.  I took the girls hand in my own to comfort her. 

  “I’d like to say a few words about our dear friend,” said Julio.  “I’m not good at speaking, but this woman deserves the best.  She lived a good life from what she told us, and we were damn lucky to have known her.  May she rest in peace, and may she watch over us all.”

  Louisa’s hand gripped mine almost uncomfortably.  I squeezed back.

  We quie
tly returned to the cabin.

   

  It was late afternoon by the time we finished discussing plans for the next day.  We had loaded the van with supplies for the trip.  We wanted to be sure to be prepared to be gone for more than the day in the event of any unexpected delays.  We ate canned stew and leftover chili that night, and settled in for bed early.  I fell asleep with a knot in my stomach.