Praying for Grace Page 4

  During the brief walk back to the small house, the fog bank crept up quickly. As it approached us, I quickened my steps to the doorway and finally the baby and I were inside. I had promised Boggs that we would stay inside with the door locked as much as possible. I already felt so very alone, despite the baby in my arms. I fed and changed him before wrapping him in a receiving blanket and tucking him in on the old sofa. I put one of the backpacks that Danny and Boggs had left with me beside him to keep him from rolling off onto the hard floor. I went to the back room that housed the cellar and pulled the large piece of muslin off of the furniture pile. While using it to cover the blood in the kitchen came to mind, I knew we’d need it for warmth. Resources were too scarce to use on things like covering up a death scene.

  While Emmett slept, I went through the furniture pile. Most of it wasn’t salvageable as furniture, but I did find a dresser drawer that I brought out to use as a makeshift bassinette. I lined it with receiving blankets and hoped it wouldn’t be too uncomfortable for the little guy. I organized the contents of the crates, which left us with a pile of books, some expired canned goods, old newspapers, and a couple more flashlights. One of the best finds was a large Ziploc bag half full of candles.

  ***

  It was a long day sorting the meager supplies and caring for baby Emmett. Once the fog settled, it lingered. Emmett had been awake for hours and was finally sleeping again, now in his dresser drawer. I left him in the living room while I gathered some old newspapers and Nathan’s lighter. I started a small fire in the living room fireplace since the chill of evening was creeping into the old house. I also used the knife I had salvaged from Nathan to pry open a can of corn. The expiration was nearly two years prior, but we didn’t have the luxury of being picky. I ate half and set the rest aside for later. I also drank a full sixteen ounce bottle of water that I found in one of the backpacks.

  I decided to leave the baby inside to stay warm by the fire while I went outside to relieve myself. I figured he should sleep for another hour or two, if I was lucky. I walked out into the cool evening air that was still heavy with moisture. The fog was dense and formed a dark white veil all around me. It was not only intimidating, but also somewhat disorienting. I walked around the side of the house and squatted to do my business. It was eerily quiet. I could hear the ocean waves as they crashed against the shore below, but aside from that even sea birds were remaining noiseless. Once finished on the side of the house, I stood and listened. A wave hitting the shore in the distance. They always came in groups of three, followed by a brief lull. My own breathing. Silence. Three waves. Why I was listening so intently, I wasn’t sure. My breathing. Three waves. My breathing. Rocks falling. It was faint, but I was sure I heard rocks tumbling down the cliff face. My first thought, and hope, was that the others were returning. I considered running in the direction of the cliff to call down to them, but I knew in my heart that they would not have chanced finding the island again in dense fog. They would be settling in on the mainland for the night, hopefully secured in a building. I could barely see the house behind me and didn’t dare walk farther into the mist. Three waves. I held my breath. Three waves. I had to breathe. More rocks falling. I closed my eyes and focused my mind. Nothing enlightening. Three waves. My own breathing. Three waves. Footfalls in the distance. I held my breath again. I knew I needed to turn and run, but feared that whatever was approaching would then be better able to locate me. Perhaps it would be best to stay still and not lead whatever horror was coming my way to the baby. He’d cry. He’d be hungry and stay soiled and grow cold, but he’d be alive if I sacrificed myself. With luck the others would return and be able to save him. Three more waves. I exhaled. The ground crunching under feet. Inhale. Wave. Footfall. Exhale. Wave. Footfall. My entire body tensed as the footfalls grew louder. I didn’t want to see whatever was about to take my life. I clenched my eyes closed tight and remembered my promise to Boggs. I would always try to live. I hoped he would understand that I had chosen the life of baby Emmett over my own, but that in the end I had indeed chosen life. I clenched my fists and held my breath, waiting. There was still time to run, but if I did the creature may home in on the baby. I couldn’t allow that. Wouldn’t. I blew one last breath out, then drew one last in. I listened to the waves. One. Footfall. Two. Footfall. Three. Running. I stood my ground, holding my breath. I knew the creature was near. At the last moment I decided to face my death head-on. I held my breath in, but opened my eyes and looked into the wall of white that surrounded me. The lull between wave sets ended, and as a new round crashed against the shore below, a figure broke the mist. It stopped short as if surprised to see me. I finally exhaled and the lone figure stumbled forward, colliding with me. My blood ran ice cold and my peripheral vision went black.

  “Zoe, my God,” sobbed Gus.

  I wasn’t able to answer.

  “I wasn’t sure I’d find you in time,” he continued, overcome by emotion and barely able to speak.

  My lost lover clung to me in desperation. His hands stroked my back firmly, almost uncomfortably.

  “We have to leave, baby. We have to go, now.”

  He finally let go of me and looked me in the eyes. I stared back at him, blankly. Breathing was difficult.

  “You’re dead,” I finally mumbled. “You’re dead!” I started to shout, getting angry.

  “We can talk about it later, darlin’. Right now we have to go.”

  “No,” I said, confused and pissed off. At what exactly, I wasn’t sure.

  “Look at me, Zoe,” he said firmly. “They’re coming. We have to leave.”

  “You shot yourself, Gus. You left me and you shot yourself!” I screamed.

  “No,” he said, putting his palms on either side of my face.

  I slapped at his chest with my own hands, pushing him away.

  “Fuck, Gus! You walked away from me and shot yourself!” I screamed louder.

  “Stop it,” he said firmly. “Stop!”

  He forced me against his chest, wrapping his strong arms around me tightly. The best I could do to fight back was to weakly hit at his back. He kept a firm hold on me until I finally began to calm down.

  “How are you alive, Gus?” I finally squeaked out. “I heard the gun. I felt you leave me.”

  He didn’t answer.

  “Answer me. You owe me that much,” I groaned. “I can’t hear any of them, or you.”

  “I can still hear you, Zoe.” He stroked my hair back from my face. “It’s how I found you. I can feel you both.”

  He leaned forward and kissed me passionately. I didn’t want to, but couldn’t keep myself from kissing him back. Even though he was no longer inside my head, he was still a part of my soul.

  He ended the kiss slowly. “Where are the others?” he asked quietly.

  “They went ashore for supplies,” I said. “Emmett’s here with me.”

  “The dead are coming. We have to go. We’ll talk later, but right now we have to go.”

  “Go where?”

  “Back to Neah Bay.”

  “How?” I asked.

  “Just trust me.”

  “I can’t just leave. The others are coming back.”

  “We can leave a note. I’ll leave instructions on where to meet us. We don’t have much time, darlin’. Get the baby, ok?”

  While I couldn’t feel him inside of my head anymore, his eyes held desperation and deep love for me. I leaned forward and allowed my forehead to rest against his chest. I inhaled his familiar scent, which I had thought I’d never get to experience again.

  “I know, baby. I know,” he soothed as he kissed the top of my head. “Let’s get the baby and get out of here. They’re not far behind.”

  “How do you know?” I asked.

  “There’s no time to discuss it now. Well talk about it after we leave.”

  He took hold of one of my hands and began to run to the little stone house with me. Once we entered the kitchen, he stared at the blood on the floor
.

  “How’d they die?” he asked. “Susan and Nathan?”

  I looked at him and he nodded, apparently picking up my basic thoughts on who had died.

  “She got attacked by a Roamer and bled out during the night. Nate decided to end his own life.”

  “Fucking A,” said Gus as he stroked his chin with one hand. “I know Boggs is still alive. What about Abs and Dan?”

  “Alive.”

  “Ok, let’s pack what we can in the next five minutes.”

  I let go of his hand, reluctantly. “I have to leave a note."

  “I’ll do it. Just pack what you need. Be quick.”

  I reluctantly left the room to pack a bag with supplies for Emmett. I left any food and water behind for the others. Within minutes we were ready to leave.

  I read Gus’ note on my way out.

  B, D, and A - We’ll be at the Dollar Tree north of the Tribal Center every day at noon waiting for you.

  He had written it in pen on an old piece of newspaper. It wasn’t pretty but would do the trick. He had set it on the stove and I weighted it down using a stone from just outside the door.

  Gus escorted me down the cliff face. I allowed him to carry Emmett. The air was still heavy with fog and the air around us stunk like feces. It was high tide and Gus’ rowboat was beached very near the bottom of the rickety steps. I climbed in first and took Emmett as he was handed to me. The waves were unusually calm as Gus shoved off and jumped into the small craft to join us. He took a seat and took hold of the oars.

  “I can help row,” I said as Emmett began fussing.

  “I’m fine. We don’t have far to go,” he said.

  I settled the baby and watched as Gus’ strong arms paddled us out to sea. My head was reeling as I began to understand that he was still alive.

  CHAPTER 4

  I assumed that Gus intended to row all the way to shore. Our canoe was designed for use on the ocean, but I doubted the small row boat had been. The smallness of our current vessel in the vastness of the ocean set me on edge.

  “How’d you find me?” I asked, breaking the eerie silence.

  “Can we talk about that later?” he asked, somewhat out of breath from rowing.

  The baby fell back to sleep with the rocking motion of the boat on the waves. I forced myself to not look overboard, as the darkness of the water reminded me that it would be unmercifully cold and deep here. I looked up from the baby to Gus.

  “No,” I said flatly. “You owe me answers.”

  “Darlin’, it’s hard to talk and row.”

  “Then stop rowing.”

  “Can’t,” he huffed. “We have to get back.”

  “Back where?”

  “Let me row,” he said flatly, as if irritated with me.

  “You didn’t just break my heart, Gus. You broke my soul when you left.”

  “We’ll talk about it tonight,” he grumbled.

  “Take me back to the island,” I said without thinking.

  “No fucking way,” he said, almost laughing.

  “If you won’t tell me what’s going on, I want to go back and wait for Boggs.”

  “Are you guys back together?” he asked.

  “We’re friends. You know that.”

  He just looked at me, not saying anything.

  “That hurts, Gus.”

  “What does?”

  “Suggesting I’d get over you that fast. It’s only been a few days, for God’s sake.”

  “You and he and the baby would be a good match.”

  I forced myself to not cry. He had hurt me so badly when he walked away, and he was still hurting me.

  “Where’d you go?” I asked. “When you walked away?”

  “North.”

  “Just…north? That’s all you have to say, north?”

  I had raised my voice and Emmett stirred.

  “I walked off to die.”

  “I heard you shoot yourself.”

  “No.”

  “I heard the shot, and then you were gone. I couldn’t feel you anymore.”

  He adjusted in his seat and looked deep in thought.

  “I got a few blocks away and the next thing I remember was waking up in a rickety bed with people staring at me.”

  “What people?”

  “Good people.”

  “Would you fucking talk to me?”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “What the hell?” I stared at him angrily for a moment. “I’m sure I can manage to follow along.”

  “I can’t stop rowing, darlin’. If I do, currents will take us too far. I need to focus on getting us to a motorboat where other survivors are waiting. There’s a group of people in an old secret Air Force Base not far from Neah Bay. That’s where we’re headed. Tonight, Zoe, ok? We’ll talk tonight.”

  I sighed, giving in. We continued on in silence, other than the lapping of the oars. Before long, Gus slowed.

  “We’re here,” he said.

  I looked around, seeing only the thick fog. “We’re where?”

  “The boat.”

  “Gus! We’re over here!” I heard a woman’s voice followed by a deep-toned bell clanging.

  “Ahoy!” he yelled back.

  He gave one more strong pull of the oars and soon the small boat came into view. Two men were leaning over the edge, just far enough to grab onto the side of our much smaller raft.

  “Hand me the baby,” said one of the men. He was young and had a British accent. I simply stared at him, and made no effort to move. Handing the baby over to a stranger was just simply not going to happen.

  “It’s ok, Ivar. I’ll get them.”

  “Very well,” said the other man.

  “I’ll go on board first and then you can hand him to me,” offered Gus.

  “No. He doesn’t leave my arms,” I said firmly.

  Gus sighed, clearly annoyed with me. I didn’t care. For the first time, I didn’t trust him.

  A tall blonde woman walked up. “Gus! I’m so glad you’re back!”

  She flashed him a big toothy smile as he transferred from the rowboat to the larger motorboat. He embraced her.

  “I told you I’d come back,” he said.

  I stared at them in disbelief. They looked a bit too familiar with each other.

  “Zoe, this is Gretchen. And Ivar and Fred,” he added, gesturing toward the two men with a tilt of his head.

  I clutched Emmett closer to my chest. I was too pissed off to say anything. Gus finally unwrapped an arm from around Gretchen, and reached out to help me transfer to the bigger boat. Ivar and Fred were busing tying a tow line to the row boat. Not daring to risk me or the baby falling into the water, I decided to hand Emmett to Gus. He took him gently and began to hold him out to Gretchen.

  “No,” I said harshly.

  “It’s ok. Gretchen won’t hurt him. You can trust her.”

  “It’s ok, Gus,” said Gretchen in a soothing voice. “You hang onto him and I’ll help your friend.”

  I ignored the blonde and clambered from one vessel to the other on my own. I hit my left shin on the side of the motorboat, but refused to show that I was in pain.

  “You have to be more careful,” cautioned Gus.

  I reached for Emmett, and was relieved when he was nestled back in my arms.

  “We need to go,” said Fred. His face was creased with lines that made him look weathered. He had a gruff voice and reminded me of a lonely old hound dog. “No sense in going ashore after dark. Too dangerous with the dead around.”

  “How far is it?” I asked.

  “Not far,” answered Gretchen.

  “Less than a mile,” Gus said quietly. “Sit up front with the baby. You’ll be better protected from the wind there.”

  I didn’t respond, but rather just walked with the baby to the empty passenger seat behind the windshield. After I sat, I glanced up just in time to see Gus and Gretchen slowly letting go of each other’s hand. They had an obvious connection of some s
ort and my feelings were very hurt. I needed him to hold my hand. Not hers.

  The ride back to Neah Bay took longer than I had hoped. The motion of the speed boat and the waves had made my stomach grow sour. Fred slowed the boat and eventually killed the motor. Ivar began lowering an anchor.

  “We need to row to shore,” explained the Englishman when I looked at him in confusion. “Or else the dead might swamp the motorboat.”

  I looked at Gus questioningly.

  “They’ve been coming out of the water. Sometimes just a few, sometimes a whole fucking horde. Most of them are like the dead assholes we came across on the first of the San Juan Islands. Freaky fuckers. They climbed into the boat when it was docked and the boat nearly sank, so now they anchor offshore and take the rowboat in instead,” he said quietly. “It won’t take long, but we need to hurry so we can get there before dark.”

  Emmett was beginning to wake in my arms, so I moved him over my shoulder and patted his back to soothe him. Gus was keeping something from me and I wished desperately that I was able to hear him within my mind again. I wondered what had changed within him to block me out.

  Gus helped me and the baby back into the row boat for our trip ashore. After he got us seated near the bow, he hoisted Gretchen down, lifting her at the waist. Irritated, I looked away. I focused my attention onto baby Emmett. I used my free hand to dig through my backpack, eventually producing a clean diaper and receiving blanket. Supplies for the little one were already dwindling. As if sensing my thought, Gus sat next to me and placed a hand on my back.

  “We’ll have more things for him soon, darlin’. The place we’re going is well stocked with all kinds of stuff.”

  I looked at him only briefly, not answering. I focused on the baby, doing my best to change his soiled diaper while holding him in my lap.

  “Let me help?” asked Gus.