Praying for Grace Read online

  “No. I’m fine”

  I heard him sigh beside me. He was clearly frustrated. I bundled the dirty diaper, fastening it closed with its own Velcro tabs, and tucked it behind my feet. I draped the receiving blanket over my shoulder and helped Emmett latch on, quickly covering myself. Modesty wasn’t something I had worried about in a long time, but with strangers surrounding me I wasn’t ready to share such a private moment.

  The Englishman, Ivar, began rowing us to shore. Fog still wrapped itself around us in a heavy blanket. The waves were growing larger and a strong breeze was beginning to blow. With the dark of night falling, the trip was unnerving.

  “Ivar, a little farther to your left,” said Gretchen.

  “Thanks,” he said as he stopped rowing with one oar and focused instead on the other, making a course correction.

  “How do you know where you are?” I asked the man. “In the fog?”

  Ivar looked at Gus, instead of answering me.

  “Gretchen’s like us, Zoe,” said Gus. “She can feel the others in her head. Both the living and the dead. It’s how I knew how to get to you on the island.”

  “It’s only those of us who have the infection,” said Gretchen in her flawless feminine voice. “For some the abilities are stronger. I can feel the dead, but also other people who are infected. It’s how I help navigate.”

  “I’ll talk to her about it later tonight, Gretch,” said Gus quietly.

  We continued on in relative silence for several more minutes.

  “Gretchen, do I need to radio them or are they waiting?” asked Fred.

  “They’re there. Better keep the walkies quiet. I can sense that Abe feels the dead not too far off.”

  “Got it,” said Fred.

  “Zoe, once we hit land it’ll be about a ten minute drive. We have to stay quiet till we’re in the car.”

  “Ok.”

  “Do you think you can keep the baby quiet?” asked Gretchen.

  I looked up at her and glared. “He’ll be fine.”

  Emmett had fallen asleep at the breast, so I gently wrapped him in the receiving blanket that had covered us during the brief rowboat ride and slung my backpack over my free shoulder.

  Gus leaned close enough that I could feel his breath against my neck. My stomach did a flip-flop of familiar longing. “Zo, we’re about to dock. No questions, and no attitude. It’s really important that you just follow me, ok?” he whispered.

  I looked into his eyes. What I saw in the depth of those eyes was sincerity and warning. As I nodded my understanding, the rowboat lurched as it bumped against the dock. Gus took me by my elbow, signaling me to stand. I did so, nestling Emmett into the crook of my arm. A black man, Abe I presumed, was standing on the rickety dock, already assisting the others out. Ivar and Fred had an obvious routine down and as Gus helped me up onto the dock, the two men were already pulling the small craft forward toward shore. Keeping hold of my arm, Gus led me quietly down the dock. Gretchen and the black man flanked us while the other two secured the boat on dry land. I noted that the two people now in a protective stance around us each held a machete, as did Gus.

  Emmett sneezed twice in my arms, causing Gus to tighten his grip upon my arm. We continued on and the baby fell back asleep. In the distance I heard the tell-tale moan of the dead. The heavy cover of fog distorted the sound, making it difficult to determine from which direction it had originated. Gus’ steps seemed to hold urgency. Just as suddenly as he had begun pulling me forward, he stopped.

  “Hurry, get her in,” came a hushed and unfamiliar voice.

  An older woman emerged from the fog and ushered us toward a black station wagon. She had long brown hair streaked with gray that was tied loosely back away from her angular face. As I reached the side of the car, she set a bony hand on my back and guided me to the open back passenger door. I slid in quickly and scooted over to the far side of the bench seat. Gus and Gretchen were quick behind me and the woman who had greeted us followed suit, slipping into the front passenger seat. Another woman sat behind the wheel, ready to drive. She was about the same age as the first woman with similar features. I wondered if they might be sisters.

  “We’re almost ready,” said our driver.

  The back hatch of the station wagon opened and Abe jumped in, followed quickly by Fred and Ivar. In short order the hatch was pulled closed. The three men were obviously cramped, as were the four of us in the back seat.

  “Better go, Kandy,” said the woman in the passenger seat.

  With a turn of the key, the engine roared to life and the woman named Kandy began driving forward.

  “Where are we going?” I asked.

  “It’s an old air base that was turned over to the Makah’s when the government vacated,” said Gus. “It’s probably the safest place we’ve been. You’ll like it.”

  “Zoe, this is Moe and Kandy,” said Gretchen. “And Old Man Abe in the back. They’re all good people.”

  Moe, the woman in the front passenger seat, turned around to face me.

  “Welcome, Zoe. We’re glad to have you.”

  “Thanks.”

  Gus rested a hand on my knee. As badly as I wanted to shrink away from him in my hurt over his obvious bond with Gretchen, I allowed his hand to remain where it was.

  Emmett began fussing again and began sucking on his fist.

  “Want me to hold him for a bit?” asked Gus.

  I shook my head back and forth. “No. He’s hungry and needs somewhere quiet to sleep is all.”

  “You’re a good mother,” said the woman driving.

  I looked up at the rear view mirror, where I could see Kandy’s eyes on my reflection in the mirror.

  “Thanks,” was all I said. I didn’t feel like explaining that the baby wasn’t really mine.

  “We’re lucky to have the fog cover,” said Ivar. “Fucking bastards won’t be able to follow us as well.”

  “Makes driving harder,” echoed Kandy.

  The remainder of the drive was quiet. After a while the road turned rough, as if we were driving on dirt.

  “Almost there,” said Gretchen under her breath.

  I heard the squawk of a walkie-talkie from the back of the car and glanced over my shoulder.

  “Abe here. Approaching the gate.”

  Gus squeezed my knee gently. I looked at him.

  “Almost there, darlin’.”

  The car slowed to a near-stop for a moment and then crept through what I presumed was the gate that had been mentioned. The others breathed a sigh of relief. I felt the car turn to the left and finally it came to a complete stop.

  “Ok, we’re here,” said Gus quietly. “You can get out.”

  I opened my door and stepped out of the car, adjusting the baby in my arms so that he could finish his feeding. Gus exited the vehicle through my door and placed a hand on my back.

  “Gretchen, I need some time alone with Zoe. I’ll see you in the morning, ok?”

  “Of course,” she replied. I noticed that she slipped her hands in her pockets and looked at him awkwardly for a moment. “Sleep well.”

  Gus took hold of my left hand and I began walking with him. The cover of fog was still heavy and once we were a few feet from the car, I couldn’t make out anything at all. It felt like we were walking on concrete or asphalt, though.

  “We’ll be staying in one of two bunkers tonight,” said Gus. “We have a lot to talk about, but we’ll have privacy. It’s hard to tell in the dark and with this damn fog, but we’re walking through garden plots right now. There’s several houses to our right and the bunkers are straight ahead. The entire base is surrounded by a fence that’s been reinforced. Guards are up top at all times.”

  “How’d you find it?” I asked.

  “Gretchen and Abe brought me here. We’ll talk about it once we’re inside.”

  Gus led me though a heavy doorway and into a dimly lit concrete room that was full of boxed supplies. Any windows had been covered over with brickwork.
It wasn’t homey-feeling but held a sense of security.

  “Over here,” Gus said, indicating a round metal hatch in the middle of the floor.

  He crouched down and knocked on the lid until I heard metal-on-metal as someone inside began opening it. Gus stood and stepped back as the lid opened outward. A young man popped his head out.

  “Gus, good to see you back. Come on down.”

  “Jack, this is Zoe. Zoe, Jack.”

  “Nice to meet you,” said the young man. He must have been about Dan’s age, if not a bit younger.

  “You too,” I said.

  “I got word that there’s a horde headed in the general direction, so we’re locking down for the night soon.”

  I clutched Emmett tightly as I descended a set of metal stairs, following Jack into the depths of the bunker. The walls were metal painted-over in a shade of cream. I had expected a single small room for some reason, but was surprised to see that the first chamber opened to a hallway with more rooms off of it.

  “It’s shaped like a big “I” with living quarters in the middle. At the far end is another large room a lot like this one,” said Gus. “The second bunker is identical. There’s room in each for about twenty people. Right now there’s about thirty living at the base, but most refuse to be locked in here. Most of them take guard duty, just as a preference to be outside. If we’re ever overrun, though, we can make it work in here for all of us,” explained Gus. “I’ll give you a quick tour then get you settled for the night.”

  “Gus, I’m going to head over to the other bunker now,” interrupted Jack. “You guys will have the place to yourselves tonight but the others are due back first thing in the morning, so be ready to let them in?”

  “You got it,” said Gus in reply as he shook the young man’s hand.

  “Oh, my mom left you dinner. It’s in the kitchen on the counter.”

  “Awesome. Tell her I said thanks?”

  “You bet.” With that, the young man climbed the stairs and left the bunker. Gus followed him as far as the hatch lid, which he secured from our side.

  “Let’s get dinner,” said Gus as he returned to my side.

  “Emmett’s asleep. Is there somewhere I can lay him down?”

  “Of course. Follow me.”

  I followed him down the main hallway and into a room on the left.

  “This is my room, Zoe. You’ll be sharing it with me.”

  There was a full size bed on one side of the room and a brown loveseat on the other. In between sat a small desk, chair, and table lamp. A tall dresser was situated just inside the doorway.

  “I think I’ll lay him on the couch for now,” I said quietly.

  “I’ll put a blanket down. It can get cold down here.”

  While Gus set about making a little nest for Emmett, I set the sleeping baby on the bed and began to change his diaper. He stirred for a moment, but was soon back to sleep. I carried him to the couch and put him on his back. I made sure his swaddle was tight and set my backpack beside him to prevent him from rolling onto the floor. He looked like a little angel in his sleep.

  “He’s grown,” whispered Gus, who stepped beside me and draped an arm over my shoulders. “He’ll be fine. Let’s go eat.”

  “I’m not hungry,” I lied. As much as I needed to eat, I needed him to give me answers even more.

  “I am. Come watch me eat,” he said.

  We left Emmett in the room with the door open and Gus showed me the area at the back of the bunker. It was half kitchen and half sitting space, complete with bookshelves full of books. I followed Gus into the open-style kitchen, where two plates covered in foil had been left on the counter.

  “Tanya’s a great cook. You’ll like her.”

  “Jack’s mom?” I asked.

  “Yeah. It’s just the two of them now. They lost his dad and two younger sisters when this all started.”

  Gus picked up both plates and set them on one of three small tables. I sat across from him and he slid one of the plates toward me. I peeled the foil back and looked at a huge sandwich.

  “Tanya bakes the bread herself,” said Gus with his mouth already full.

  “Tuna fish? I never thought I’d taste this again,” I said, taking a bite myself. It was heavenly.

  “The bunkers are well stocked from scavenging trips. Dried foods, canned vegetables, and dried and canned meats. Tanya grows sprouts so we have some fresh greens, and she and some of the others have been busy tending the garden beds.”

  I peeled back a piece of bread and looked at a clump of green.

  “Alfalfa sprouts,” said Gus with a wink.

  We ate in silence for a few minutes. My stomach wasn’t used to being full and I found myself only able to eat half of what was on my plate. I pushed the rest toward Gus, who gladly began eating it himself.

  “Are you going to tell me who Gretchen is?” I asked without much emotion in my voice.

  “It’s complicated, Zoe. It’d be easier to explain if you could still feel me.”

  “Are you fucking her?” I asked casually.

  My question caused him to choke on his bite of food and he looked up at me like I was crazy.

  “God, Zoe, no.”

  “Then who is she to you?”

  “She’s like a sister, if anything. She saved me. A lot like you saved Susan. She and Abe found me on the side of the road not long after I left you guys. I thought I was changing, Zoe. I felt like I was dying and I couldn’t let myself turn and hurt you. I had planned to wait as long as I could before ending it for myself,” he said frankly.

  “I screamed for you, Gus. I felt you die when I heard the gunshot.”

  “I never got a chance to fire my gun. I collapsed first. I didn’t get far and I just dropped. Abe and Gretchen found me and loaded me into their car. Brought me here. They’d seen it before: someone breathing and warm but with no heartbeat. Most of the people here are like us, Zoe. Infected.”

  He tore off another huge chunk of sandwich with his teeth.

  “How did she save you?” I asked.

  “The people here have discovered that sharing blood can bring us back from the brink. One type of infection can kill us, but two different kinds can save us.”

  “So you have her blood in you? Her specific infection?”

  “Basically, yes. Abe’s a doctor. He’s worked out what’s caused this, at least roughly. Well, he has a theory anyway.”

  “Can they cure it?” I asked.

  Gus sighed deeply. “They hope so. It’s viral, and the virus is huge. At least when it comes to viruses. They don’t know where it came from but Anne, a scientist here, says it may be some ancient infection. I guess she’d read an article a couple years ago about a bacteria being discovered and revived after thousands of years being frozen in the Arctic. She says it could be a virus that was dormant for ages. Abe disagrees. He thinks the cause of this plague is engineered.”

  “How would it affect everyone at once?” I asked. “Wouldn’t it start small and spread? This happened overnight as far as we know.”

  “True. Their best guess is that it was weaponized, wherever it came from. I agree. We have to assume it’s global, from the lack of air traffic in the skies and complete lack of communication. Anyway they’re hoping that one day we can develop an antiviral. There’s a couple of old coots here who claim to see the future. They have a prophecy.”

  “A prophecy?”

  “Ayup. It’ similar to your connection to the dead, and almost like the bond we share. They’ve seen things that they have no way of knowing. They knew about us, about all of us, but they didn’t know I was with you guys until I bonded with Gretchen.”

  “I don’t want you bonded with her,” I said firmly.

  “It’s not sexual. Like I said, she’s like a sister. She’s very protective of me. She can see what someone is thinking or feeling by touching them. With me, she just has to be close to me. Maybe within fifty yards. She knows I love you, and that I’m dedicated t
o you.”

  “Are you?” I asked as I squinted my eyes at him.

  “Don’t you know that already, darlin’? You know I love you. You’ve felt me, Zoe, like no other human ever has. You know what’s inside of me, what’s inside my heart.”

  “So does Gretchen.”

  “She knows me in a similar way, yes, but what she knows is that I love you. She knows I’d die for you.” He reached a hand across the table. “Darlin’, please, you’re killing me. All I want to do is hold you and never let you go. There is no one else. Just me and you, remember?”

  I took hold of his hand and closed my eyes. “I remember. And I want to believe you, I do. But then I think about what we did to Emilie. If you began loving me when you were with her, what’s to stop you from doing the same to me?”

  “Look at me.”

  I opened my eyes and found his own, and looked into their depths.

  “I loved Emilie. You know that. We both did. But I loved her in a different way. The love I hold for you is so incredibly intense. There is no one else for me. There is no one else I want.”

  “Why can’t I feel you anymore? I feel so empty inside. Did Gretchen take that away somehow?”

  “No, baby…no. I swear Gretchen had nothing to do with that.”

  “I can’t hear the dead either, Gus. It’s like a part of me died.”

  “Do you remember when you were pregnant with Molly? How it was sketchy what you could sense?”

  I nodded. He held his other hand out to me, and I took it.

  “This time’s different. Molly was half you and half Boggs. She too was infected, but only by one strain. This one is both me and you, and I guess I’m infected with a different strain than you are.”

  I looked at him, confused. “This one?”

  “You don’t know?” he asked.

  “Know what?”

  He hung his head for a moment before looking back up at me.

  “That you’re pregnant.”

  “No I’m not,” I said, nearly laughing. “That’s ridiculous.”

  He looked so serious that I began to worry.

  “The prophets saw Molly die. They’ve seen you pregnant again. Gretchen confirmed it after she brushed against you before you got in the car. She can feel the baby, Zoe. She said it’s almost as strong a bond as she has with me. Maybe because it’s part of me.”