Grace Lost Read online

  Chapter 9

   

  We had all climbed back into the cabin through the kitchen window entry.  My head and hip both ached.  I had a numb feeling inside.  Boggs had suggested I sit down in the living room with him.  Emilie and Gus offered to bring in some sodas.  I was exhausted, so laid down on one of the two loveseats and curled into a fetal position.  I closed my eyes.  I felt the afghan drape over me. 

  “Thanks, Boggs,” I whispered.

  “Zoe, we’re gonna have to talk about what happened.”

  “I know.”  I kept my voice low.

  Before I knew what he was doing, Boggs lifted me into his arms and held me, then sat down, still cradling me.  He kissed me on the forehead.  “It’ll be ok, Zo,” he said with tenderness in his voice. 

  I wrapped my arms around him and lay my head on his chest, and then kicked off my shoes.  The sound of his heart beating was soothing.  “I love how you smell, Boggs,” I whispered.  I closed my eyes again as he stroked my hair.

  Before long Emilie and Gus both walked into the room.  Gus cleared his throat.  I opened my eyes, but kept close to Boggs.  If I could have melted into him I would have.

  Emilie set two cans of soda on the table and sat down on the other small couch.  Gus stood in front of us with his hands on his hips.  He was wearing his jeans and boots, minus his shirt from earlier.   He no longer looked upset, but instead looked very concerned.

  “Ok, Zoe, what was that?” he asked.  “We need to understand what happened with you.”

  I sat upright a bit, and clung to Boggs’ hand.   “I don’t know,” I said while biting my lip.

  Gus sat next to Emilie and took a deep breath.

  “Has anything like that ever happened to you before?” he asked.

  “No. Never.  I swear.”  I fought tears again.  “And I hope it never happens again.”

  “Can you explain what happened, Zo?” asked Boggs.  He squeezed my hand.

  I sniffled.  “I heard her screaming in my head.  I didn’t understand how the rest of you couldn’t hear her.”  I looked at Boggs for any trace of understanding on his face before continuing.  “Before long there were fragments of thoughts in my head.  Not words, just impressions of some sort.  I wish I could explain it.”  I looked down at my lap.

  “Zoe?  Was anything else going on at the same time?” asked Gus.  Emilie sat listening, unusually quiet. 

  “My hip started hurting, and my head got achy.  I felt sick to my stomach.  I could feel how badly they craved our flesh.  I could feel their hunger.”

  I looked over at Gus.  He was clearly deep in thought.

  “Zoe, how did you hurt your hip?  Boggs has already told me, but I want more details,” said the man sitting beside Emilie.

  I looked at Boggs.  “It was the morning we first ran.  I fell out the window when we were trying to get away from Mr. Anderson.  I didn’t know it was cut at first, not till we got to Boggs’ house.”

  “And you cleaned it, right Boggs?” asked Gus.  “With rubbing alcohol?”

  “Ya, from a first aid kit.  One of those little wipes.”

  “Do you know what you fell on, exactly?” pressed Gus.

  “No,” I said.  “All I was focused on was running.”

  “Boggs?  Do you recall what was on the ground where she fell?”

  “Nothing unusual, just dirt and weeds.”

  “Ok,” continued Gus.  “Zoe I don’t mean to get personal but can you take your pants off?   I think I should look more closely at your hip, darlin’.  I also need to get those glass slivers out of your cheek.”

  I nodded, then stood and slipped my sweatpants off.  At this point I was too exhausted to care if I stood in front of everyone in my panties.  “I used that red soap today,” I said.  “It’s not as swollen, huh?”

  Gus knee-walked over to look at it, and made a noise of agreement similar to a grunt.  “It actually looks like the wound’s scabbed over and almost healed, but these faint green lines are unusual.”  He looked up at me.  “I don’t want to bullshit anyone,” he said calmly.  “It’s not normal.  I have a theory and it’s damned scary.”

  I felt Boggs’ hands on my waist, pulling me back onto his lap.  “Go ahead Gus.”

  Gus sighed and stood up, and then sat on the coffee table in front of me.  He pulled tweezers out of his pocket and picked at my cheek gently.

   “Gus?  What’s going on?” asked Emilie.  “You’re scaring me.”

  He leaned forward, laced his hands together, and thought for a moment before speaking.  “Whatever has caused this whole mess,” he paused.  “A virus, a chemical agent, a bacterium.  Fuck if I know what’s done it, but my hunch is your wound was contaminated, Zoe.”  As his words set in, I could feel hot tears streaming down my face.  “Try not to get upset, Zoe,” said the man sitting across from me.  “You’re obviously alive and not one of them.”

  Boggs was holding me with both arms.  No one else was speaking.  “But what if I turn into one?” I asked, choking on my own words.

  “Well,” said Gus.  “If something happens and you turn into one, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

  I looked at Boggs suddenly, fear traveling up my spine.  “Oh, God,” I mumbled.  I looked back to Gus.  “Could I have given it to Boggs?”

  Gus looked at me very seriously.  “I’m not sure, Zoe.  I’m just not sure how it all works.  I’m not even sure if I’m right.”

  I looked at Boggs, who was staring at me.  “Don’t worry about me, Zo.”  He kissed my forehead again and held me close.  “Let’s just worry about you right now.”

  Emilie spoke next. “C’mon, Zoe.  Try to cheer up.  We’re all in this together, remember?”

  I nodded and wiped tears away from my face.  “I remember.  I just don’t want to hurt anyone.”

   “Boggs, I’d like to get the windows boarded up, the sooner the better. You ready?” Gus asked.  “Emilie can stay inside with Zoe.”

  Boggs stood up, squeezed my shoulder, and nodded.  “Let’s do it, man.”  He tugged on my braid then leaned down and kissed my cheek, whispering delicately into my ear.  “You going to be ok?”

  I nodded.  I had no reason to believe I’d be alright, and no one else knew just how horrifying my experience had been.  “I hope so.”

  Gus stood to join Boggs and tousled Emilie’s red hair playfully, which was already disheveled.   “Can you get Zoe settled, Em?”

  “Absolutely.”  She smiled up at him and he winked back at her.

  “After we’re done we’ll need to drag all the bodies to a pile and burn them,” said Gus.  We’ll wait till dusk so the smoke’s not so obvious.”

  The two men climbed out through the kitchen window.  Gus poked his head back in and hollered, “let us know if there are any issues.”  Either he was referring to my new found zombie-radar or warning Emilie that I may turn into a killer monster at any moment. 

  “Zoe, do you want to go upstairs and lay down?” Emilie asked me.

  I shook my head no.  “I think it’ll be better if I stay busy.”

  Emilie hugged me gently.  “Let’s look through the kitchen and organize things?”

  “’Kay.”

   

  We spent the next couple of hours pulling everything out of the cabinets.  We worked quietly, listening to the various sounds the men were making on the outside of the cabin.  We had lit several candles since the only light came from the upstairs hallway.  The main electric in the house was unfortunately not connected to the battery array like we had thought, and I wondered when I would stop trying to flip light switches.  Old habits die hard, they say.

  “Should we keep an inventory?” asked Emilie.  “I mean write it all down?”

  “Good idea,” I answered.

  We sat on the kitchen counter together surveying the cans and boxes we had brought out from cabinets and set on the dining table.  We made a li
st of each item, and were trying to decide how many days’ worth of food we had if we stuck to two meals a day.  We made small talk, keeping conversation light.  The sound of periodic hammering kept us on our toes, reminding us that danger might present itself at any moment. Emilie’s stomach started making loud noises, signaling the day was passing.

  “Should we make something to eat?”  I asked.  “The guys are probably getting hungry.”

  “Sure,” said Emilie, hopping up from the counter.  “How about chili?  I saw enough ingredients to throw some together.”

  I nodded.   “Good idea.  We can add the tortilla chips you found.”

  “Do you think Gus likes Italian?”  Emilie looked thoughtful.

  “I think Gus likes redheads,” I said.

  She ignored my razzing and looked hopeful, “do you really think so?”

  I smiled. “Ya, I’m pretty sure.”

  “He’s thirty eight. Since probably almost everyone on earth is dead, do you think it’s okay if I’m only twenty-four?”

  I slid down from the counter and walked to where she sat.  “Emilie, I think right now anything goes.  I think we all just need to do what we can to be happy.”  The girl hugged me, and I knew then that we were as good as sisters.  I looked at her thoughtfully.  “Twenty-four? You sure?”

  She nodded.

  “You look sixteen.” 

  She blushed at my words.  “People always think I’m younger than I am.”  She smiled softly.

  I sighed, realizing that I was the baby of the group at just twenty.  “Let’s get the chili heating then organize all this stuff in the cabinets?” 

  She nodded in agreement. “Once the table’s clear we can eat.”

  The smell of chili filled the little cabin from top to bottom.  We had thrown two cans of kidney beans, a can of French Onion soup, a can of corn, black beans, dehydrated onion bits, and stewed tomatoes into a pot.  We used a single can of chicken, saving two more for another day.  A pinch of chili powder completed the thrown-together recipe.  

  The light that came from upstairs was dimming as the sun was lowering in the sky.  We had found some not so elegant paper bowls and clear plastic flatware.  Combined with folded paper towels and three votive candles in the center of the table, it was as fancy as we could make it.  We were ready to end the evening enjoying warm food and each other’s company.  Emilie lit the candles while I went to the propane fireplace and hit the ignite button. The main floor was awash in an amber-orange glow.

  Gus and Boggs came in through the front door, looking curious.

  “What’s this?” asked Gus, with a bead of sweat dripping from under his felt cowboy hat. He was looking at the little table, humbly arranged with paper and plastic products.

  “Dinner!” said Emilie proudly.  “We figured you guys would be hungry.”

  “Good idea, darlin,” he said.

   She beamed from the praise.

  “Nice tool belt, Boggs,” I razzed.  He had a plastic grocery sack duct-taped around his waist, filled with nails that poked through at all odd angles.  He smiled at me.

  Emilie was busy stirring the chili on the stovetop, and started barking orders.  “You two get upstairs and wash up, and hurry.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” said Gus.  He tilted his hat to her and she turned toward the stove to switch it off.  He smacked her rear end playfully and she jumped.

  “Get. Now,” she snapped.  I had fun watching her make jokes.  It was a pleasant change after witnessing her go through the incredible grief of losing her little brother in such a horrific way.

  “You too,” I said to Boggs. 

  They both climbed the stairs and we heard water running.  The last of the upstairs light disappeared as one of them closed the drapes in the bedrooms.

  I sat quietly in one of the two empty chairs.  Emilie joined me and we waited for the men to return. 

  “Zoe?”

  I looked up at Emilie.  “Hmm?”

  “You ok?”

  “Ya.  Just a little freaked out.” 

  “It’ll be ok.”

  “I hope so, Em.”  I sighed softly.  “I hope so.”

  “You hungry?”

  “A little.  I hope the guys hurry up.”

  On cue, the men finally came back downstairs.  They had both taken the time to shower and change clothes. 

  “Sorry that took so long,” said Boggs.  “We figure it’s too dark for the corpse-fire tonight, so we’ll regroup at dawn.   Don’t want to risk anyone seeing the flames.”

  “Yuck,” said Emilie while wrinkling her nose.  “We’re about to eat.”

  “Speaking of which,” said Gus.  “Is it ready?”

  “As a matter of fact, it is,” said Emilie with a smile.  “Sit down and I’ll bring it over.”  She seemed eager to please and walked to the stovetop with a spring in her step.

  “Sorry it’s not much,” I said as both men took seats on either side of me.  “Em and I sorted everything in the kitchen and made a log.  We figure if we keep it down to one or two small meals a day we have enough for about a week.”

  “Good work, girls,” said Gus.  “We’ll see what we can do about adding to our supplies in the next few days.”

  Emilie came back to the table holding the pot of chili, and skillfully scooped it into the four bowls.  I was glad to see her give the men larger portions.

  “Try crumbling the chips into it,” I suggested. 

  “You sound tired, Zo,” mentioned Boggs.  “You ok?”

  I nodded.  “It’s just been a long day.”

  Emilie asked the men if they minded if we say grace.  No one argued against it.  She held her hands out to both of the men and looked over at me.  We all held hands around the table.

  “Gus?’ asked Emilie.

  “Huh?” he replied.

  “Will you say grace, please?”

  He returned her stare with that of a scared little boy.  “Sure.”   He bowed his head and did his best.

  “God, thank you for the good meal.  Thank you for keeping us safe these past days.  Watch over those we love and those we’ve lost.  Watch over our new family.  Amen.”

  “Amen,” I whispered.

  Boggs squeezed my hand.

  I looked up as Gus started eating his chili.  Boggs followed suit, using a tortilla chip as a scoop instead of his spoon.  I wished I had more of an appetite, but the ordeal I had been through had left a bad taste in my mouth, so to speak.

  I took a deep breath and said quietly, “I’m sorry about earlier.”  I felt Boggs’ hand on my knee and looked up at him, tears welling in my eyes again.  He leaned over and kissed my cheek.

  “We’re just all glad everyone’s ok.  Eat, Zoe, ok?”  Gus said gently.  “Even if you don’t feel like it, you need to eat.”

  I nodded and took a bite of the warm chili. Emilie walked to the refrigerator and produced a bottle of vodka she must have slipped inside to chill earlier.  “Maybe this’ll help,” she said with a little smile and sat back down.  “Zoe, we’re family now.  The four of us, we’re all we have.  Let us be there for you.”  She reached across the table for me.  I took her hand in mine, and felt grounded.  We continued eating in relative silence. 

  Once we were all full, Emilie and I piled the paper plates and set them aside for burning the next day.  The plastic flatware went into the sink and we set it to soak.  We put the lid on the chili pot and set it inside the refrigerator to have the next day.  The vodka was still untouched, and Gus carried it to the living room.  Boggs followed with the remaining tortilla chips.  Emilie and I soon joined them.  I walked over to sit next to Boggs and he pulled me down onto his lap, and held me there. This room and these people were starting to feel comfortable and familiar.

  The fire flickered, creating interesting patterns around the room.  Emilie had put her feet up on Gus’ lap, where he took her socks off and rubbed her left foot.  Boggs asked me quietly if I
wanted to go to bed.  I shook my head no.  He reached toward the coffee table, careful to not let me fall off of his lap, and grabbed the bottle of vodka.  He offered it to me and I shook my head no, still feeling out of sorts.  Emilie, sitting kiddy corner to us, reached out for the bottle and took a swig.  Gus took it from her, causing some of the clear, cool liquid to spill on her lap.  She nudged the cowboy with her foot.  He laughed and drank deeply from the bottle, then handed it back to Boggs.   Gus switched to massaging Em’s right foot.

  The cowboy spoke as Boggs drank.  “We should talk about plans for tomorrow.  We need to clean up the bodies at dawn before the stink becomes unbearable, and we need to think about securing some more weapons.  Ladies, did you find anything useful here today?”

  Emilie snickered.  “Yeah. The vodka.”  She giggled.  He winked at her.  I decided it was time to speak up myself. 

  “Do you want to lock me in the attic tonight?”  I kept my eyes on my own lap.  No one answered so I looked up.  They were all staring at me like I had a horn growing from my forehead.

  Finally Gus spoke.  “No, Zoe.  You’re alive and breathing, darlin’.  You’re not getting locked in the attic.”

  Boggs kissed my forehead. “You’re staying with me, kid.”  He put the mouth of the vodka bottle to my lips and whispered very softly, “drink some, Zo.  You need it.”

  I let him tip it up and took a small sip. Afterward, I nestled against his chest, closed my eyes and let him cradle me. The room began to warm from the fire and my nerves began to settle. Boggs softly stroked my back with his hand.  I heard Emilie talking very quietly to Gus.  “Let’s wait till morning to make plans?  I think we all need some sleep.”

  Gus yawned and mumbled “you’re full of good ideas tonight, Red.”  I heard him stand and set the glass bottle on the table. “You coming?” he asked her.  Two sets of footfalls climbed the stairs.  One bedroom door shut.

  “Boggs?” I asked softly.

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m sorry this is all happening.”

  “I know, Zoe.”  He twisted underneath me, which signaled me to shift off of him.

  “I feel really weird,” I admitted.

  “Well, you are blonde,” he teased, trying to cheer me up.  “You’re important to all of us.  Most especially to me.”  He laced his fingers through mine and changed the topic.  “Are you ok after this morning?  I didn’t hurt you?”

  I must have blushed because the room got hotter.

  “Zoe, it’s just me.  Don’t be embarrassed.”  He squeezed my hand. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”  His thoughts were scattered as the alcohol more fully took its grip on him.  He leaned forward, kissing me with passion.  He tasted like liquor.  My heart fluttered and the room spun.  His mouth still on mine, he mumbled against me.  “I love you so much, Zoe.”

  He continued to kiss me, his tongue searching frantically for mine.  I didn’t try to speak, not wanting the kiss to be interrupted.  I found my hands searching for his jeans, and clumsily undid the button at the top.  His kiss intensified and his hands interrupted mine to finish with his zipper.  I pulled his t-shirt up over his head and he returned the favor by pulling my sweatpants down, the job made easier with them being loose.  I lay back on the small sofa and looked at him in wonder.

  Out of breath, he half moaned.  “God, Zoe, you drive me wild.”  He tugged my panties down and put my outer leg over his shoulder and kissed my private area, his tongue entering me warmly.  I arched my back, the sensation being full of pleasure and causing my loins to tingle in anticipation of more to come.  He took as much of me into his mouth as he could, his arms running up my shirt.  I groaned in response, which made him suck harder on my sensitive parts.  I cried out in pleasure, lost in the moment.  Boggs climbed off of me and lifted me off the couch.  He climbed the stairs cradling me in his arms.  Once at the top of the steps I shifted and wrapped my bare legs around him.  We bumped into the hallway wall together causing a thump.  Neither of us seemed to care.

  He carried me across the threshold to our room and sat on the bed with me still in his arms, and we kissed each other with passion.  I could feel his erection pushing against me, and responded by wrapping my legs around him more tightly as he pulled my shirt off of me.  He lifted me up onto him and adjusted me until he found his way inside me. The pain this time was less than that morning, but I still found myself gasping at the initial twinge.  He began thrusting deeply and I responded eagerly.  I clung to him, my nails digging into the skin of his back. We were both fighting to breathe, lost in the new pleasure we had found from each other’s bodies.  He took one of my breasts into his mouth and tenderly sucked.  His teeth lightly bit my nipple, sending ripples of pleasure down my body.  I dug my nails into his back again, causing him to thrust even deeper, probing my insides with his erect penis.  In a wave of ecstasy we reached a crescendo together, falling backwards onto the bed, where we held each other tightly.

  Just before we fell asleep, I whispered to him.  “Boggs?”

  “Ya Zoe?” He asked sleepily.

  “Our clothes are downstairs.”

  “Ya they are.”

  “Shouldn’t we get them?”

  “Why?”

  “What if Gus and Emilie see them? They’ll know…”

  Boggs chuckled.

  “What’s so funny?” I asked quietly.

  “Zoe, I’m sure they just heard us.”

  I didn’t say another word, horrified.  We clung to each other, our bodies intertwined on top of the covers. 

  I listened to Boggs’ breathing until it became slow and even, indicating he was asleep.  I gently placed my hand on his chest and felt it rise and fall.  “Life,” I whispered to no one in particular.